It may be too soon to tell.. But I might’ve stumbled upon something great. Please god don’t let me screw this up.
I tend to watch Disney movies when I’m sad. Just went through Netflix’s entire list of them.
Stopped at High School Musical, not suicidal or anything.
Apparently though I am sad enough to eat Spaghetti-Os at 5 am and watch Rob Schneider movies.
I can feel it now. Really feel it. It’s clawing at my subconscious like a nightmare you try to forget. “Everything happens for a reason” they say. What’s a logical reason for holding a butterfly in your hand and crushing it? Taking something real and true and destroying it all because you could. To justify something so cruel with a couple of words like “everything happens for a reason”. I want to forget but it’s not possible. I want to forget the sound of heartbreak. I want to forget the tears. I can remember all the times I thought he didn’t love me or didn’t care and how in a single moment I knew he did. But it was too late. He did care and he did love me. But I am cruel. I am destruction personified. The last time I touched him was my hand on his face as I told him what I’d done, he asked “you’re joking, right?” God how I wished I was but I shook my head and stared into his eyes through my own tears. I saw his soul in that moment. I saw our dreams and future vanish only to be replaced with disgust and hatred. If only I knew then how he really felt. I have no one to blame but myself now. I have no one but myself now. I have nothing.